6th April 1995

I guess I've always just kinda assumed that all lads had like a major problem with talking about their feelings. But Ali's different. He doesn't pretend to be something he's not. I admit that at first I simply fancied him cos I thought he was a complete babe whereas I knew fuck all about his personality. I'm not saying that I know everything there is to know about him now but we have agreed to try and get to know each other properly without all this polite talk crap. He asked if he was the person I'd gone furthest with and I wish I could have said yes. I really regret getting off with that German lad. I'll never forgive myself for letting him make me feel like he just used me. Me and Ali are special. I guess I don't need to have gone the furthest with him to prove that. I just can't stand having to compare Ali to someone who I felt absolutely nothing for.