I'm such a bitch - I knew this would happen - I saw P and we had a really good time - I was just so happy y'know. I swear he is just so perfect its scary. I think I love him - which brings me on to Ali - What I'm doing to him is just so low - I'm treating him like shit & feel as guilty as fuck about it - He doesn't deserve to be treated like this and I really hate myself so I'm going to tell him the truth. Which must suck after I told him how I wanted to forget about P - What the fuck did I expect was going to happen today? I know I deserve it but I cant stand the thought of everyone hating me. P and Ali are just so different to compare. I hope to God that I'm not making a mistake - I really do.
10.45
Ok, so I phoned Ali eventually. I guess he took it quite well. He asked if I'd enjoyed going out with him and if I regretted it and stuff but he said he wasn't really expecting it to last for long or nothing. I'm not sure how I should take that but I'm chuffed that he doesn't hate me - I hope he still feels the same when he's sober! I phoned P after and I feel sure I made the right decision - Hating myself was kinda starting to do my head in. I feel really stupid about roaring on the phone to Charlie now - I was just really messed up. I know everyones gonna say P's too old for me - but I dont care - he treats me like I'm special and I love him to bits!!
P.s This 13 year old attempted to chat me up (non-so subtly) in town today-what with that & Kully confessing his undying love for me (well kinda..(??)) this bofy theory thing is becoming kinda spooky!
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